In any relationship, especially marriage, it is important to see the other’s point of view. I love the quote, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” Stephen R. Covey. When we are unable to listen and see the other’s point of view, we feel we are always right and conflict can not be overcome.
In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, he explains that when couples get into disagreement and can’t accommodate, it is called gridlock. This is when, “Neither can make any headway in getting the other to understand and respect their perspective, much less agree with it. As a result, they eventually view the partner as just plain selfish. Each becomes more deeply entrenched in his or her position, making compromise impossible. He explains 4 characteristics that all gridlock disagreements have- the same argument with no resolution, neither can address issue with humor or empathy, become increasingly polarizing, and compromise seems impossible.To overcome he shares to explore the dreams. You choose a gridlock, write down your position without bad mouthing or criticizing your spouse, write the hidden story of the dream and then share them with each other.
Writing things out is a great way to put to paper your thoughts and emotions. I think it is key to note that you shouldn’t criticize or bad- mouth, this gets you nowhere. This ties in well with respect and pride as I have mentioned in previous posts. When you have respect for you spouse this goes a long way and helps to overcome these hard things. Being humble and avoiding pride is another key to this. Set aside your pride and look to your partner’s point of view and realize that maybe you could be wrong and that is okay. It speaks volumes when one can admit their fault and come to see the other’s point of view.
Gottman, J., PhD. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. [VitalSource Bookshelf]. Retrieved from https://bookshelf.vitalsource.com/#/books/9781101902912/
Marriage 