Every relationship is at risk for conflict, it is human nature. How you cope and overcome this conflict is what matters most, especially in a marriage. In a marriage it is important to realize that there will be conflicts and that there will be faults in your spouse. It is how you react and treat these faults that matters most. It is important when discussing these faults that your spouse knows you love and accept them. In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman had 4 keys to managing conflicts- Negative emotions are important, no one is right, acceptance is crucial, and focus on fondness and admiration. I love these and I want to remember these throughout my marriage as conflicts may arise.
Gottman also said, “Its all too easy to hold a grudge. For a marriage to go forward happily, you need to pardon each other and give up on past resentments.” I don’t think he could have said it better. I know that in my marriage there are little stupid things my husband does that bugs me and I often let it get to me. However, we have such a strong relationship that it doesn’t last more than five minutes! I am thankful for a husband who is patient with me and pardons me and my faults. I want to work on this and to just realize that he will do these things and change my thinking about them, rather than get upset with him. Gottman shared an example of this in a couple who the wife accepted that her husband would always be running late. So, rather than letting it bug her, when there were important things like a flight they had to catch, she would just tell him that the flight was a half hour earlier than it actually was.
It is so important to forgive and not hold a grudge. Not only in our marriage, but also in all our relationships with others. Elder Faust said, “Hatred retards spiritual growth.” If we are unable to forgive we will have this hatred in our hearts. We can not grow spiritually in ourselves or in our marriage. There is so much strength that comes from truly forgiving.
Gottman, J., PhD. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. [VitalSource Bookshelf]. Retrieved from https://bookshelf.vitalsource.com/#/books/9781101902912/
Marriage 