“Love is not a happy accident; It is a choice.” (Gottman, 83)
In a marriage it is important to make sure that we aren’t prideful and that we are thinking of our spouse. We have to look at how our spouse sees things and realize that they can and should influence us. By this, I mean that in the relationship, both are equal and they should do the decision making together. In the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John Gottman he states. “Perhaps the fundamental difference between husbands who accept influence and those who don’t is that the former have learned that often in life you need to yield in order to win.” He relates this to if you were driving in the car and come to a blocked off road you need to travel you can either “insist that the offending obstacle move” or you can go around it. Clearly it makes sense to just go around it, and by doing this you are yielding in order to win. This is the same in a marriage. There will be times that you need to yield to win in your relationship and by doing these little things that may not seem like a big deal to you, you can build your marriage and strengthen your bond.
In another book, Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage, H. Wallace Goddard
“The modern dilemma is ironic. We are devoted to finding happiness- and we are seeking happiness in ways that guarantee emptiness. To the modern mind, it doesn’t make logical “sense” that if we sacrifice our own wants and needs, in favor of our spouse’s, that we will find true joy and happiness. It takes faith to believe that “he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it” (Matt. 10:39). Without that foundational faith, it’s tempting to do what seems to makes sense-and that is to look after ourselves and tend toward selfishness. When we have tossed sacrifice, obligation, and unselfishness from our contributions to relationships, we have nothing left but an empty egocentrism.” (Goddard, 70)
I know that when we sacrifice our own wants and needs that we are able to find that true joy and happiness. It helps your bond with your spouse to be closer as well as your bond with your children. By putting our families first over these things we are able to build a unity that will be able to withstand trials and tests throughout life. I like that he mentioned we need that foundational faith. Sometimes things may not make sense to us and we need to have and exercise our faith to be able to do things. One last things that Goddard shares is
“The natural mind is an enemy to truth. Each one of us sees our own versions of “truth” and imagines that no one in the world sees truth as clearly as we do. This way of thinking is a pernicious enemy. It keeps each of us from connecting with others and from being taught by God.”
It is amazing what can happen when we stop thinking that our point of view is right and that there is no changing that. This comes down to pride. We must have humility to be able to connect with our spouse and with God.
Goddard, H.W. (2007). Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage. Fairfax, VA: Meridian Publishing. (ISBN: 9781441486547)
Gottman, J.M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Revised). New York: Harmony Books. (ISBN: 9780553447712)
Marriage 