In our crazy lives and with all the things that can distract us in this world, we often, at some point or another, take for granted the things that matter most. The relationship and interactions with our spouse being one of those things. So what can we do about this?
In a marriage, just as any other relationship, it is so important to turn toward your spouse, rather than away. Something that my husband and I have done in our marriage thus far is talk things out. When we have something that is bothering us, we don’t hold it in or hide away with it, we talk it out with each other. In the book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, PhD, I have been able to see how important it is because if weren’t talking things out it may lead to the four horsemen showing up later on down the road in our marriage. By talking it out, we are turning toward each other.
By turning toward each other you are connecting and as Gottman said in his book, “couples who do so are building mutual trust. Those who don’t are likely to lose their way.” He also said,
“For many couples, just realizing that they shouldn’t take their everyday interactions for granted makes an enormous difference in their relationship. Remind yourself that being helpful to each other will do far more for the strength and passion of your marriage than a two-week Bahamas getaway.”
He referred to things we do to turn toward our spouse as the same as thinking of money in a savings account in a bank for a rainy day. When we are building up these experiences and things and doing these things to turn toward them, we are building a better foundation for any future hardships that may test your relationship. When you are able to get on this level of a relationship where you are turning nowhere but toward them, this is when you will understand them better. By this I am referring to the times that they may snap at you or say something in a tone that normally would make you get defensive, but instead, because you know them so well and know that they aren’t intentionally meaning it in that tone toward you, you reply back in a way that is respectful and there is not need for any contention. By putting in the time and effort you will be able to reach this point and I like how he mentioned, “..how important it is to be truly present and not split your attention into a million pieces when engaging with someone you love-of any age.” All relationships need that respect and nurture. We need to take the time to step away from distractions and the noise of the world to truly focus on what and who matters most to us.
Marriage 